Who is City Girl, Really, and Where Did She Go?

Who is city girl?

She is the life of every party. She is vibrant, happy-go-lucky and loves everyone she meets making instant BFF’s within minutes of saying hello to a perfect stranger. City girl is sweet, funny, outgoing and loud as can be.  Everyone instantly loves city girl and admires her passion for life!

But who is city girl, really?
Deep down inside, away from the parties, the spotlight and the countless dinners out with the crowds, city girl has a secret- she suffers from depression. Crazy right?!?!

Let’s take the curtain down to revel the woman behind the blog.

Depression: It is not something us socialoggers (socialite bloggers) dare speak about. It’s always about the parties, who we are with, what we are wearing, where we are dining, shopping, red carpeting and so on. I don’t blame us. I mean, who wants to read about sadness?!?  I know I sure as hell don’t.

The past few months I have been MIA. Depression is the culprit . Believe me, I have missed you all so much (and when I say all, I am speaking to my 6 loyal email subscribers, who by the way I love!)

So what happens? Well, that my dears, is the million-dollar question. For example, I’ll wake up on Tuesday feeling like a million dollars and then I’ll wake up on Wednesday not being able to get out of bed and just wanting to sleep for days. I can’t say what triggers it because I really don’t know. It just …. sucks. It’s lonely and feels like it will never end when I am going through it. If you’re reading this and deal with depression, I know you can relate.

As anyone who suffers from depression can tell you, the hardest part about dealing with this is to see yourself as the weaker version of who you normally are. For me, that’s a strong and vibrant person. It’s also hard to wake up and know that this weaker version of yourself staring back at you in the mirror is not the real you. Nevertheless, at that very moment this other version of you has all of the power.

In my early twenties is when it first happened. These “spells” as I have come to call them, used to last for 4-6 weeks at a time. Oh, it was horrible. Imagine, I’m 21,  living “the life” in San Diego, tons of friends, an amazing spouse by my side and I wake up one day and couldn’t stop crying…for a month!

Fast-forward 8 years. I have learned to become very self-aware. I taught myself how to become aware of my surrounds, my stressors, moods, health and so on.  Having spent many years working on this I have been able to get my depression somewhat under control. It comes and goes every few months and lasts just 1-2 weeks as opposed to coming every other month and last for a month at a time.

What am I doing to manage my depression? Prescriptions? Nope. Been there and although it helped get me through the first year, I knew I didn’t want to become dependent on medication for the rest of my life.  It took a lot of personal strength and the support of my family and friends to get through the storm.

Instead I have started to workout again, drink lot of antioxidant tea, take vitamins and most importantly disconnect from things when I feel it’s needed. Lately, this has meant no parties, no events and yes, no writing. It’s really hard to step back from doing this that generally make me happy but sometimes you just need to take all of that energy and focus it inward.

So, this is what happened and why I had dropped off the face of the blogosphere for the past month. I am so happy to be out of my spell and back on my “Search for Never Never Land”. I guess a part of that search includes finding new ways to deal with my depression and learning how to weather the storm and still live my life.

Now that is one search that I am willing to continue!

Xoxo

Me

Tags: Dealing with Depression, Depression